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About Me
- Nathan Floom
- Bowling Green, Ohio, United States
- I'm a Creative Writing Student at Bowling Green State University. I hold that life is full of surprises and mysteries-whether that be from the world around you, or the people you meet in everyday life. Writing and literature are the best ways to explore the grand surprise that is life.
This is the spirit, Nathan! May I make a suggestion or two?
ReplyDeleteYou write: "I step outside in the early morning hours. The night is cold, the hint of ice and frost surrounds me."
Since the prose section needs to be as condensed as the haiku, I'd recommend getting rid of the morning/night clash. Which is it, morning or night? I love that it's early morning but the speaker is having the last ciragette of the day. That says a lot in few words. Here's a stripped down version of what you have:
Early morning: I step outside and have the last cigarette of the day. It's cold, with the promise of frost. The streets are quiet, and it unnerves me, making me feel like the last person on earth. A rabbit hops, and I'm reminded otherwise.
smoke
and icy breath
only a hare for company
Another thought I had this morning. If, in the last line, you just say that something hops or moves, the haiku at the end will come as a sort of epiphany.
ReplyDeleteSomething moves out there, and I'm reminded otherwise.
smoke
and icy breath
only a hare for company
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow, Nathan, it's excellent. A really luminous piece of writing. I think you should try it on HAIBUN TODAY. He will get back to you within a couple of days.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.haibuntoday.com/pages/submissions.html The link for submission guidelines for Haibun Today.
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Good luck!
ReplyDelete