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About Me
- Nathan Floom
- Bowling Green, Ohio, United States
- I'm a Creative Writing Student at Bowling Green State University. I hold that life is full of surprises and mysteries-whether that be from the world around you, or the people you meet in everyday life. Writing and literature are the best ways to explore the grand surprise that is life.
I hope the title of this is also the theme. I like the direction i imagine this going. I think it would be nice to read/know more inside more thought from the protagonist. It would help understand more about him. The kind of inside thoughts you actually have in situations but never think about voicing. I'm also sure you will re-word a lot of things but this is a good idea of how i would rewrite the following paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI’m waiting on a man I’ve never met before. He’s a train conductor of some sort and he is supposed to train me in the art of driving trains. I heard he has a hook for a hand. Lost it in some sort of accident where he was fixing a rail, but I have no idea.
I'm waiting on a man I've never met before. He'll show me the light at the end of the tunnel, or how to conduct it. First impressions are always important, so i'm trying to prepare a demeanor I would expect a train conductor to be found of. Allegedly he has a captain hook hand. I've never meet anyone with a hook hand; i'm praying he doesn't use it to shake mine when we meet, but i'm prepared for it.
Now that is just how i would write because that's how i imagine telling the story in my head. But i do like how you do that in the paragraph after the one i critiqued. I just feel it's important to let the reader know how the protagonist feels and thinks. For me this helps from losing interest when there is no monolingual. I also feel like making inside thought known to the reader gives a story more dynamic, creates an connection for the reader, and creates "momentum" (by that i mean that feeling you get when start reading something and have to constant desire to keep reading).
I really like you imagery and authenticity of the dialogue. It doesn't sounds like a script, it sounds like a natural conversation. I'm looking forward to a seeing this story develop.
I linked here from Theresa on Facebook. This is TERRIFIC, and I look forward to reading more!
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